My life in sex: the 54-year-old virgin

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The men interested in me now are in their upper 60s, and more interested in a person earning a wage than a romantic partner

Illustration by Lo Cole

Idon’t see the point of sex without an emotional connection (otherwise, why not just get yourself off?), and I’ve never been able to find someone with whom I’ve felt a connection who’s been interested in having sex with me. This is not what I’d ever intended or expected.

I was a Christian who didn’t believe in sex outside marriage, a position I held until my early 30s, sure that I’d find “the one” eventually. My weight was a strike against me, as were my intelligence and career, knocking out of contention men who wanted to be the superior earner. In my 30s, I lived with a man, but we were never in an official relationship and, despite sharing a bed, never had sex. In my 40s, I did the previously unthinkable and asked a couple of single men I’d known for at least a year and with whom I got along well – and was declined.

Several friends have assumed I’m a lesbian. Given my lack of luck with men, I thought about it but, after a few months of “checking out the market”, concluded that I simply wasn’t attracted to women.

These days, the men interested in me are in their upper 60s. Many seem more interested in a person still earning a wage to augment their pensions than in a romantic partner.

The worst thing is when people tell me I’m too choosy, including random men who proposition me at 2.30am as the bars are closing, and become obnoxious when I decline. To those who think I need to get rid of the impractical, old-fashioned idea of “feeling a connection”, I say to each their own. I’d like to lose my V card, but I’m not desperate enough to sell myself short.

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